there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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