just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
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Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
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Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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