Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
