If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
