i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
