Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
