The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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