I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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