the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
