I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
home. puking in laundry basket.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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