apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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