I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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