Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
What a dumb baby whore.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
