I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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