wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize