Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
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Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
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Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I am naked and annoyed.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize