It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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