I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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