hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
