Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
