If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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