according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
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Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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