Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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