Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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