There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
