so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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