I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
