I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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