Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
