Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
