So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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