i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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