Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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