A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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