I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
