Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
