it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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