I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
