i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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