so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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