got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
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She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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