Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize