how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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