...so i touched it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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