look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
