Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Randomize
