Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
