Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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