Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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