I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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