I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
