make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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