You just made me feel so damn special
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
