So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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