I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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