White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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