if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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