tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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