You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
